Why Dogs Feel Sorry For Us (but still love us).

Godiva, a.k.a "Moppit Head".

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Here's the answer to a question I've never been asked, but secretly wish someone would have asked: What exactly is "the illusion exotic"? Really, no one has ever asked me that. Bummer. I'm going to answer it anyway. The simplest answer is that it's the title of my short story compilation, which is currently available in eBook form on Amazon. More specifically, the compilation's title, "The Illusion Exotic," was taken from a line in my short story "Spaceship Name." There is a line from the story that calls our sense that we truly control our fate an "exotic illusion."

The Illusion Exotic is the human delusion that we are truly in control of our destiny. At best, we can influence our destiny, perhaps stack the odds a little bit, but in the end, we are at the mercy of fate, which has a mind of its own. I call it "going sideways." You think you have it all figured out, and then "BAM!" life throws you sideways, and all your best-laid plans are for naught. It's in those sideways moments when the universe teaches us an important lesson: that we humans are merely fragile fleshy water bags riding a hunk of rock hurtling through the galaxy. Why are humans plagued with this exotic illusion? It's sort of a byproduct, a kryptonite, so to say, from our superpowers.

As intelligent primates, we only have two superpowers, and neither of them is making or using tools. (BTW, tools are overrated because eventually it results in way too many different types of screwdrivers.) Our first superpower is the ability to make a decision, a choice. With the exception of a woman trying to decide where she wants to eat out, humans are otherwise decision-making machines. The funny thing about that superpower is it can only be wielded in a mystical, magical land called "The Present," sometimes called "The Moment," or, as Sammy Hagar once said, "Right Now." Right Now is the crossroads where the past and future collide. It's where the probability wave function collapses and the cat finally commits to life or death. Before the Moment, our decisions are just ideas, and after that, our decisions become "history."

It's in the imaginary lands of history and ideas, far beyond the Right Now, where humans suffer from the Illusion Exotic, and this is entirely the fault of our second superpower. First, let me digress and talk about dogs.

Other critters besides humans make choices, but only humans can claim it as a superpower. For example, a dog may say to itself, "Do I bite or lick this hand currently trying to pet me?" or "Do I pee on this new carpet or do I pee on the linoleum?" Animals make choices, but no other animal experiences the Illusion Exotic except us (and maybe white mice and dolphins, but that's another story). That's because dogs, and other critters, only think and act in the Right Now. Humans, on the other hand, seem to get all wrapped up about what comes before and after the Right Now. That's because we've developed the unique skill of being able to store information and pass it from one generation to the next. Dogs and other critters suck at this. This is our second superpower, and why we suffer the Illusion Exotic. This is also why dogs feel sorry for us and have generally agreed among themselves for the past 10,000 years to suffer our indignities (and for treats, of course).

You see, dogs and most other animals live in the moment and prefer it that way. Dogs have been patiently trying to explain this to us for at least 10,000 years, but we have failed to get the hint. Don't believe me? Go ask your dog; they will tell you. Here's how: First, call your dog's name. Second, watch them come running. Third, look into your dog's eyes. What will you see there? Nothing but love, and THAT is your dog telling you to live in the Right Now. Your dog isn't thinking about the past and therefore doesn't care that you didn't take her for a walk yesterday or at all in the past two months. Your dog isn't thinking about tomorrow or how to plot her revenge against you for not taking her for enough walks. No, she's simply staring at you Right Now, thinking about how much she loves you no matter how fat you are because you don't walk enough. (BTW, don't try this with your cat, because cats lack souls). I'm going to come back to this point.

The ability to make decisions based on knowledge of the past and applying that to forecast the future are human superpowers. Superpowers are cool, and this generally makes us smug and think way too much of ourselves. That's the Illusion Exotic, the mirage of control that often robs us of the precious Right Now. It makes us fret over what we can't change and makes us anxious about a future we truly can't control. The Illusion Exotic makes us blind to those closest to us currently sharing the Right Now.

Oh, sure, planning for the future is probably a good idea; just don't count on it and get all bent out of shape when it doesn't transpire the way you think it ought to. Don't live in the future, because it's not real. Life will go sideways like a rollercoaster going off the track, and your plans can crumble in a moment. In those times, all that will be important is who you are sharing the rollercoaster with. Yeah, it's great to learn from the past and occasionally bask in warm memories; just don't live there, or you'll find yourself dancing with ghosts.

Which brings me back to that dog staring at you. She's looking at you that way because she loves you Right Now. A dog's love is perfect because it only exists in the moment. Dogs don't care about the past, and they damn well don't care about the future. They care about the Right Now and being with you. They are totally immune to the Illusion Exotic. What I'm really trying to say is maybe we need to be a little bit more like dogs. No, that doesn't mean sniffing butts and chasing squirrels.

It means that you should get up Right Now, walk away from your computer or phone, and find that person you love the most and stare at them the same way your dog stares at you, with perfect love in the Right Now.  Because life goes sideways. The past is the past, and the future isn't real. All you have is perfect love, and it's only meant for the moment.

But don't take my word for it. Take it from Sammy Hagar and Dog Halen.

Dog Halen

One step ahead, one step behind me
Now you gotta run to get even
Make future plans or dream about yesterday, hey
C'mon turn, turn this thing around
, hey
It's your tomorrow
(Right now),
C'mon, it's everything
(Right now),
Catch a magic moment, do it
Right here and now
It means everything

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