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"ITS LIKE A PODCAST, EXCEPT YOU READ IT."

Why Dogs Feel Sorry For Us (but still love us).

2/7/2025

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Godiva, a.k.a "Moppit Head".


Here's the answer to a question I've never been asked, but secretly wish someone would have asked: What exactly is "the illusion exotic"? Really, no one has ever asked me that. Bummer. I'm going to answer it anyway. The simplest answer is that it's the title of my short story compilation, which is currently available in eBook form on Amazon. More specifically, the compilation's title, "The Illusion Exotic," was taken from a line in my short story "Spaceship Name." There is a line from the story that calls our sense that we truly control our fate an "exotic illusion."

The Illusion Exotic is the human delusion that we are truly in control of our destiny. At best, we can influence our destiny, perhaps stack the odds a little bit, but in the end, we are at the mercy of fate, which has a mind of its own. I call it "going sideways." You think you have it all figured out, and then "BAM!" life throws you sideways, and all your best-laid plans are for naught. It's in those sideways moments when the universe teaches us an important lesson: that we humans are merely fragile fleshy water bags riding a hunk of rock hurtling through the galaxy. Why are humans plagued with this exotic illusion? It's sort of a byproduct, a kryptonite, so to say, from our superpowers.

As intelligent primates, we only have two superpowers, and neither of them is making or using tools. (BTW, tools are overrated because eventually it results in way too many different types of screwdrivers.) Our first superpower is the ability to make a decision, a choice. With the exception of a woman trying to decide where she wants to eat out, humans are otherwise decision-making machines. The funny thing about that superpower is it can only be wielded in a mystical, magical land called "The Present," sometimes called "The Moment," or, as Sammy Hagar once said, "Right Now." Right Now is the crossroads where the past and future collide. It's where the probability wave function collapses and the cat finally commits to life or death. Before the Moment, our decisions are just ideas, and after that, our decisions become "history."

It's in the imaginary lands of history and ideas, far beyond the Right Now, where humans suffer from the Illusion Exotic, and this is entirely the fault of our second superpower. First, let me digress and talk about dogs.

Other critters besides humans make choices, but only humans can claim it as a superpower. For example, a dog may say to itself, "Do I bite or lick this hand currently trying to pet me?" or "Do I pee on this new carpet or do I pee on the linoleum?" Animals make choices, but no other animal experiences the Illusion Exotic except us (and maybe white mice and dolphins, but that's another story). That's because dogs, and other critters, only think and act in the Right Now. Humans, on the other hand, seem to get all wrapped up about what comes before and after the Right Now. That's because we've developed the unique skill of being able to store information and pass it from one generation to the next. Dogs and other critters suck at this. This is our second superpower, and why we suffer the Illusion Exotic. This is also why dogs feel sorry for us and have generally agreed among themselves for the past 10,000 years to suffer our indignities (and for treats, of course).

You see, dogs and most other animals live in the moment and prefer it that way. Dogs have been patiently trying to explain this to us for at least 10,000 years, but we have failed to get the hint. Don't believe me? Go ask your dog; they will tell you. Here's how: First, call your dog's name. Second, watch them come running. Third, look into your dog's eyes. What will you see there? Nothing but love, and THAT is your dog telling you to live in the Right Now. Your dog isn't thinking about the past and therefore doesn't care that you didn't take her for a walk yesterday or at all in the past two months. Your dog isn't thinking about tomorrow or how to plot her revenge against you for not taking her for enough walks. No, she's simply staring at you Right Now, thinking about how much she loves you no matter how fat you are because you don't walk enough. (BTW, don't try this with your cat, because cats lack souls). I'm going to come back to this point.

The ability to make decisions based on knowledge of the past and applying that to forecast the future are human superpowers. Superpowers are cool, and this generally makes us smug and think way too much of ourselves. That's the Illusion Exotic, the mirage of control that often robs us of the precious Right Now. It makes us fret over what we can't change and makes us anxious about a future we truly can't control. The Illusion Exotic makes us blind to those closest to us currently sharing the Right Now.

Oh, sure, planning for the future is probably a good idea; just don't count on it and get all bent out of shape when it doesn't transpire the way you think it ought to. Don't live in the future, because it's not real. Life will go sideways like a rollercoaster going off the track, and your plans can crumble in a moment. In those times, all that will be important is who you are sharing the rollercoaster with. Yeah, it's great to learn from the past and occasionally bask in warm memories; just don't live there, or you'll find yourself dancing with ghosts.

Which brings me back to that dog staring at you. She's looking at you that way because she loves you Right Now. A dog's love is perfect because it only exists in the moment. Dogs don't care about the past, and they damn well don't care about the future. They care about the Right Now and being with you. They are totally immune to the Illusion Exotic. What I'm really trying to say is maybe we need to be a little bit more like dogs. No, that doesn't mean sniffing butts and chasing squirrels.

It means that you should get up Right Now, walk away from your computer or phone, and find that person you love the most and stare at them the same way your dog stares at you, with perfect love in the Right Now.  Because life goes sideways. The past is the past, and the future isn't real. All you have is perfect love, and it's only meant for the moment.

But don't take my word for it. Take it from Sammy Hagar and Dog Halen.
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Dog Halen
One step ahead, one step behind me
Now you gotta run to get even
Make future plans or dream about yesterday, hey
C'mon turn, turn this thing around
, hey
It's your tomorrow
(Right now),
C'mon, it's everything
(Right now),
Catch a magic moment, do it
Right here and now
It means everything

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Labor Day And Cleatus the Redneck Chipmunk.

9/5/2022

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PictureCleatus the Redneck Chipmunk was spotted this morning in Opp, Alabama. He saw his shadow.
Every February 2nd in Punxsutawawney Pennsylvania, Phil the Groundhog pops out of his den. If he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter. In South Alabama, we have Cleatus The Redneck Chipmunk. Each Labor Day, he pops out of his beer can and, if he sees his shadow, it's six more weeks of summer. 

Hint: Cleatus always sees his shadow. 

Regardless of what Cleatus saw, or the fact that summer doesn't officially end until September 22nd, or it doesn't get cool down here until mid-October, summer culturally is over.  Amid sweltering humidity and heat, autumn's rituals have begun, and that's what really matters to me.  Personally, Labor Day is more like New Years Day than January 1st.  For me, 2023 has already started. 

New Year's Day doesn't feel like the start of something new to me. In fact, it sucks. It lies deep in the heart of winter. December and January blur together in a gray morass.  In January,  you have only more work, school and winter to look forward to. Spring is still so far away. Other than the holidays to break life's routine, nothing else changes before or after New  Years Day. For the kids, school simply resumes where it left off. For adults, work remains the same as before but now we're more in debt following Christmas. It was cold before, and will be cold after. The last digit on the calendar changes, but life still has the same flavor until spring arrives. There has been no significant transition, except perhaps taking down the Christmas tree.

Labor Day is far different. 

Everything changes after Labor Day. In American life, this is the point  our lifecycles reset. The Autumn Equinox is invigorating, as compared to the endless deadness of the Winter Solstice. You feel fall with every sense. Depending where you live, the very air seems to come alive with crispness, coolness, and fresh smells. Change imprints memories. You remember September, but January is a blur. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Go Google songs about September, and then songs about January.

September songs - classics! January songs - not so much.  

September is a season of change. School has begun for the kids, but they are not the same kids that left school only a few months earlier. They are different: a new grade, older, and physically different than last year. Maybe new clothes and a new attitude (good or bad). Maybe new acne and an attraction to the opposite sex.  High schoolers have become college kids, or working adults. No matter that age they are, they've undergone a metamorphosis. A transition has taken place, one you likely captured with a photo on the first day of school. 

In fact, go back and look at your family photos and you'll probably realize that most of them were taken from September through December. 

In September there are so many things to look forward to! Fall festivals are everywhere. September is a season for planning, and looking forward to the coming weeks.  High school football reigns under the Friday night lights. College and pro football has gotten underway. Hunting seasons replace fishing.  People begin to draw up Halloween plans, and wonder what costume they will wear. People start making their travel plans for Thanksgiving. Wal-Mart is replacing pool supplies with Christmas supplies, and many of us will begin our holiday shopping.  For me, I call this the beginning of "attic season", where I begin taking decorations out of the attic. All of those decorations are put away after New Year, which signals more of an end than a new beginning. 

So begins the season of phone calls that end with "What are we doing?" and "When will you get here?" and "I can't wait to see you again!"  New Years Day, on the other hand, is a time for phrases like, "Be careful driving home" and "When will we see you again?" and "I'll miss you" and "My diet starts tomorrow."


New Years Day is a bittersweet time of endings, goodbyes, and putting things away in the attic, and knowing I have to go back to work the next day. Simply put, New Years Day makes me feel older because it compels me to look back.

Labor Day signals new beginnings, transitions, renewal, revelry, reunion, family, thanksgiving, and worship that all culminates on New Year's Day. For me, Labor Day isn't the end of summer so much as it is truly the beginning of a new year in my life. Labor Day makes me feel younger because it compels me to look ahead. 

So, for those that feel the way I do, let's raise a toast to Cleatus as he crawls back into his beer can.

 Happy New Year, everyone.

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If you enjoyed this blog, please like the post and leave a comment or if you're feeling brave, share it on social media. This platform is my entire advertising budget and is how I share the word about my books. Also visit my Facebook, my author page and check out my epic fantasy novels available on Amazon. 

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dancing On The Edge Of IMPOSSIBILITY .

10/11/2021

 
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I turn 54 today and the Universe is trying to kill me. Let me explain. 

As I celebrate another trip around the sun, the sun commemorated the occasion by unleashing a major solar storm aimed directly at our planet. While I’ll try not to take this personally, it does get me thinking. 

The solar flare carries the energy of billions of nuclear bombs. We might have some internet and GPS interruptions, but Earth will shrug it off. Life will go on. You see, our little planet has an a magnetic field that punches way above its weight class. The sun’s highly charged onslaught will go right around our planet. That incredible magnetic field will even protect the astronauts on the International Space Station.  

If our planet orbited just a little closer to the sun, we’d be fried. If we didn’t have such an exceedingly powerful (and unusual) magnetic field, we’d be fried. If we orbited only a little farther away, we’d be frozen. Scientist call this place Earth occupies “The Goldilocks Zone” because its not too hot and not too cold. In fact, it’s just right. It’s impossibly right. 

Our planet dances on the edge of impossibility. 

Go up about fifty miles and the atmosphere is too thin to support life. Beyond that, there is nothing but emptiness. Dig down about 18 miles and you enter a searing hot ocean of molten rock. To put it in perspective, our solar system is approximately 93 billion miles in diameter. Of that, a band less than 70 miles supports life. 70 miles out of 93 billion miles! Oh, it gets better. If our planet didn’t have a molten iron core, we wouldn’t be here. If our planet wasn’t blessed with an unusual amount of water, we wouldn’t be here. If an astroid hadn’t knocked off all those pesky dinosaurs, we wouldn’t be here.

Our telescopes have discovered worlds circling other stars as far away as 13,000 light years. In all that searching they’ve discovered no signs of life, intelligent or otherwise. It doesn’t mean there isn’t life, its just that we haven’t found it. The Universe is about 98 billion light years across and overwhelmingly inhospitable, (mostly due its nature of being a bunch of nothing).  Life needs stuff to survive. In the places where the Universe actually has stuff, that stuff hates life. A sliver of biosphere 70 miles thick supports the only  life for at least 13,000 light years.

Despite overwhelming odds, Earth teems with life, (some of it might even be intelligent.)  This planet is about 4 billion years old, and, amazingly enough, has hosted life for most of that time. The Universe has tried to knock us off again and again. Yet, here we are. This brings me to today. 

I turned 54 today. Mathematically, I shouldn’t be here and neither should you. In the known universe, there isn’t anything like us, and like Earth. We are living, breathing miracles, little slivers of self-aware time-space. Our little planet dances on the edge of impossibility, therefore so do we. Statistically, we punch way above our weight. 

That thought fills me with gratitude and awe. 

I’m thankful God permitted me a brief time here to witness and participate in Creation. I hope to participate some more before the Universe finally knocks me off. 

I guess it’s time for a glass of wine, and prepare for another lap around the sun.

***
​
If you enjoyed this blog, please like the post and leave a comment or if you're feeling brave, share it on social media. This platform is my entire advertising budget and is how I share the word on my books. Also visit my Facebook, my author page and check out my photography book from America Through Time, "Abandoned Wiregrass: The Deepest South's Lost and Forgotten Places." 

#birthday #joy #faith #hope #god #gettingold 

A day at the library

7/28/2015

 
This article is reprinted from a previous blog. I killed off that blog because it had become sentient and tried to take over the world.  Enjoy. 
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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
We were expecting a new baby and my lovely bride’s nesting instincts kicked into high gear. She didn’t want to bring a new baby home to a dirty house, so she called a maid service and told me to take the kids and get lost for about four hours.

I had planned a day in the park, but Mother Nature had other ideas. Cold rain and sleet pelted the city all day.  Then I had a great idea: I’d take the boys to the public library! I hadn’t been to a library in years and was looking forward to the experience. My kids quickly found books and quietly settled in for a good read.  Not possessing a library card, I headed for the front desk.

The bespectacled gentleman behind the desk kindly directed me to a table covered with application forms.  It was fairly standard – name, address, phone number, e-mail. I quickly filled out the form and signed my John Hancock on the bottom, signifying my understanding the library police would find me if I was late returning a book. 

I returned to the desk where the same gentlemen carefully inspected my form.

“Would you like internet access, sir?”

“Yes, certainly.” 

“Then you’ll have to fill out the back, too.”

“Oh, okay.” I flipped the form over. With the exception of a question asking what password I wanted and what level of internet access I desired, the form was almost identical to the front. 

I went back to the table and wrote in a password I could easily remember and checked my desired access level. I returned to the gentlemen behind the counter, who inspected the back of the form. 

“You need to write down your name, address, phone number and e-mail address.”

I was a little perturbed, but didn’t show it. 

“All that information is on the front of the form. Do I have to fill out the name and address information again?”

“Yes, please.”

“Ah...okay.” 

A few minutes later I was back with my library card form, both front and back completely filled out. 

The diligent municipal civil servant carefully eyed both sides of the form for well over a minute, turning it over several times and strumming his fingers nervously.  I was getting nervous, too. Did he know about all my overdue books from 4th grade? 

“Sir, I need your full middle name on this line.” 

“That’s my legal payroll signature block. Why do you need my full middle name?”

“I’m sorry sir, but that’s our policy. I need your full middle name.”

I sighed and added the rest of my middle name to the initial. 

“On the back side, too, please.”

Keep your cool.

“Okay.”

Once again he studied the library card form. Chewing on the end of his pencil, he flipped the form back and forth. 

“I need to see a picture ID.”

I pulled out my active duty military identification card and handed it to him. He didn’t give it a second glance and handed it back to me. 

“Do you have a driver’s license?”

“Why yes, I do.”

“May I see it, please?”

“Why? Won’t my military ID do?”

“No.”

Resigned, I pulled out my driver’s license. Being in the military, I had a different permanent home of record than my current duty assignment.  Since I renewed it in the mail, my license had no picture. He looked at me, looked my drivers license, back to me, then back to the license. 

“This is out of state and doesn’t have a picture.”

“I’ve been stationed here for almost three years. I’m rather fond of my photo on my military I.D, would you like to see that one again?”

He handed my license back. 

“Is this address correct?”

“The one on the front or the back of the form?”

Alarmed, he quickly turned the paper over, then shot me a nasty look - smartass. 

I smiled. 

“Do you have something with your current address on it?”

“Yes, you’re holding it.” 

“No, I mean something official.” 

I fumbled through my wallet. Funny, but nowhere among the countless unpaid credit cards, membership cards, and receipts did I have anything with my current address on it. 

“No, I guess not.”

“I’m sorry then, but I can’t issue you a library card.” 

Here I stood, able to produce two legal forms of ID, one of which was the ID card of an active duty military officer in the armed forces of the United States, and I couldn’t get a public library card. 

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I don’t kid about things like this.” 

“Let me try this again,” I said calmly, “What do I have to do today so I can get a library card and check out some books for my kids so they won’t go home heartbroken?”

I really think the guy wanted to help. It was either believe that or strangle him. 

Looking out the window at the downpour he smiled and asked, “Did you drive here?” 

After running through the parking lot in the pouring rain, I returned with my car registration; definitive, legal, soggy proof I actually lived where I said I lived. With a self-satisfied smile the Dewy Decimal Defender presented me my library card like a war medal.  I looked over my shoulder hoping someone was taking a photo for posterity. 

“Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

“Actually, yes there is,” I said, stuffing my new library card in my wallet next to my soaked automobile paperwork. “Get a job at voter registration.”

***
​
If you enjoyed this blog, please like the post and leave a comment or if you're feeling brave, share it on social media. This platform is my entire advertising budget and is how I share the word on my books. Also visit my Facebook, my author page and check out my photography book from America Through Time, "Abandoned Wiregrass: The Deepest South's Lost and Forgotten Places." ​


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